The Power of Asking "Why?"

Asking "Why?" will tell you everything you need to make the next decision.

This can literally apply to just about any situation you'll ever have to deal with and I've found this to be true in both business and personal dealings.

I suppose that is why toddlers ask "Why?" so much. They're probably just trying to figure out why you're doing something and whether or not they should do it too!

The way people answer "Why?" helps you understand where the other person stands. From their answer, you can then decide whether to stand with them, stand on them or simply get out of their way.

Looking back on several of my life's most important interactions at work and at home, I've learned that most conflicts happen when I tried to go beyond simply asking the question. Now I just try to ask "Why?" with the intention of simply being content with the response, resisting the temptation to exert my own opinion. I've also learned that that is way easier to do in business than at home! Probably because the family situations matter so much more to me. I know now, that even if the response is inconclusive, opposite of my personal feelings, aloof or even confrontational - I try going into the question simply seeking more information, context or perspective. Nothing else.

What's the first question people ask when they don't understand something that's causing them frustration or emotional distress? They ask "Why???" because the situation has pushed them outside of their comfort zone and they need to find that balance or validation.

You may be surprised to find that there is a powerful peace that comes from understanding how people respond to "Why?" - even when the person asking and responding is yourself.

Some fatherly wisdom...

Some things that I've learned and some things I've tried to teach...
Dear Son,
Now that you are 22 years old I am left to watch you go from being a boy to a man without the ability to navigate this trip on your behalf. Being confined to observation is entertaining, intriguing, sometimes very painful, and completely normal.
When you don’t understand the way that I am or misinterpret why Angie and I care so much, just know that this is all about you and ultimately, the man you will become very soon. Our hope is that you’ll become a great one. Just know that it takes a while.
Here are some things to think about along the way. Just in case we get disconnected or if I’m not around. Keep this with you always son, and maybe share it with your own someday. It is because we love you so very much… -Dad
1. When you do a better job of balancing Those looking will do a better job of relaxing instead of inspecting
2. Neither good nor bad – just know that Inspection always leads to judgment
3. Judgment based on emotion is rarely heard Judgment based on fact is often ignored Try to analyze facts before reacting.
4. We must justify our reactions and answer for our choices. Choice based on emotion or feeling is often foolish Reaction based on fact is strong and smart
5. Know that foolish doesn’t mean wrong. It means ridiculous.
6. When you ignore or let people feel ignored for too long It will mean that you just don’t care This will become their belief in who you are
7. If you view yourself any less than top-notch Everything you achieve or do in your life will end up matching that
8. Regardless of age or independence, you need us and we need you. Not because of money, desperation, control or help - but simply because we love each other as a family Each of us is more than capable alone, but definitely much better and happier, together
9. We must learn from our mistakes Otherwise, we are destined to repeat them This puts us at risk for not growing, not getting better, or at the most severe level: death
10. Putting yourself first requires a real action plan for self-improvement Otherwise you’re just a self-centered asshole who never really means what you say
11. Most humans grow under pressure or discomfort If you’re comfortable for too long, you’re not growing You might actually be getting slower, smaller, dumber
12. Finding yourself is best as a solo adventure Otherwise you might risk losing the other passengers And the added stress could derail the whole journey
13. Nobody automatically knows how you feel It’s on you to tell them or better, show them through your actions and behaviors Otherwise people start to judge…and I already told you about judging
14. You can’t un-ring a bell Once done, it is final. It is seen and it is interpreted. It may even be the last thing heard. Therefore, Ringing bells is serious business. In other words, what you continually do will become a permanent record of who you are.
15. Whomever you choose as your life partner will be one of the top 3 most important choices in your life EVER. The other two are specific to your relationship with God and your relationship with those you deem close (family, friends) This partner will end up being your greatest helper or an evil nemesis These three, critical things will impact and shape every aspect of your being. Carefully take the time on these decisions as if your life depended on it, because literally – it does.
16. If someone cared enough to write all of this and share this with you, That person thinks you’re very special and worth their time In your darkest hours yet to come, remember how special you are…

Playing to Win

I am amazed how much pain it takes to cause changes in behavior. Warnings and headlines stimulate intrigue, at best. Examples are interesting but do not always generate empathy or activity. By default, there is often a selfish belief that we are in some way special or exempt.

Personal or professional, most leaders realize that a strong foundation, consistency and reinforced values are solid platforms but none can holistically determine the final attitudes, habits and ultimately, individual success. In the end, everyone must choose who we become and what we represent in the world.

If you find yourself frustrated by this circumstance, check yourself. It helps to examine personal credibility, the quality of your own leadership, habits and your ability as an influencer. All of these tie back to the choices that put you where you are and the view from that position can have a direct impact on your happiness.

A good counter-measure to complacency and indifference is inspiration. This fuels motivation, which enables change and one of the more inspiring things in the world is progress. A business colleague of mine once said, “Life is a game but if you’re going to play, keep score.”

How much of what you do and represent each day really matters to others?

Just in time for Halloween: A Zombie Story!

Entitlement. It comes as a result of the way we are conditioned in a capitalistic, democratic society.  Work hard, you deserve rewards. Don’t get them, it is your right to complain. Not heard? It’s your duty to revolt. But here’s a novel idea – What about working hard because the content of your character is such that doing any less offsets the balance of personal growth and progress?

Say what? Am I encouraging that we should work hard for the sheer enjoyment of breaking a sweat and breaking our backs? Well, yes and no. What I am really trying to illustrate is the power of mental change and activity.  If energy transfers as a physical product of movement or concentrated effort, then it seems feasible that it can also be channeled.  That’s not rocket science, it’s simple physics. Let me try to explain in elementary terms.

Have you ever been inspired by someone or something based on your admiration of their character, their story or the demonstration of their belief system? Did you find that inspiration motivating enough to take action?  If so, then you have experienced the positive energy transfer described earlier. I truly believe that human beings have to be conscious of and continuously nurture some very basic elements necessary to building a quality of life as described in Maslow’s hierarchy of human needs.  I would also like to add one of my own: Inspiration.

For more than half a century we have been slowly cheating ourselves out of a genuine level of inspiration. Instead, we have created artificial examples as a form of entertainment rather than a source of natural motivation.  Think about it.  We all enjoy a great movie, television show or book but the most popular tend to be fiction. Evident in our environment is that we do not wish to be reminded of how mundane existence has become and it is within that complacency that we are left unmotivated, inadequate and to some extent – hopeless.  This is tragic.

The default consequence of this type of bland exposure is entitlement and that type of mindset creates a routine existence that is even sadder than being meaningless. If we were all slugs, perhaps it would seem okay. Alas, we are zombies and we need brains to eat. More than that, our attitude about becoming the living dead is also warped. We believe that zombies should be entitled to brains...to EAT, of course. It’s justified and we typically accept that. What about the fact that nobody wants to have their brains chomped by zombies?  Oh yeah, you probably meant somebody else right?  Wake-up people!

If you’re not already one of them, then you’re the primary food source. Look in the mirror – lunch is served.

Yup, I said it. Sort of...

Looks like people are paying attention. Good.


The original title of the Press Release was: 
Want to Succeed in the Record Business? Then Don’t Focus on Selling Records says Itchy Metal


Interesting how the press changes the original statement of "Don't focus on selling records" to a full-blown "stop selling records".  I guess that headline is catchier, albeit more controversial.  Here's what they printed:
http://www.hollywoodstarshoney.com/music/ed-fassio-stop-selling-records.html


Bottom line: There's a new model, get with it. :)

The Great White Buffalo: Society’s Entertainment Leaders

I first came across the term “co-opetition” when working in the tech field. It was how we described companies that were known competitors; however we still had frequent direct business dealings with them including joint engagements. Not sure when the term was “coined” or if it’s even yet managed to finagle its way into the English language but it definitely describes the situation.

I find myself using the term more and more in my dealings within the music business. Talk about your fiercely competitive environments. Especially for the musicians, as there’s literally a one in a million shot at someone caring enough about you to get you that slim advantage over the next guy. But is it really that dire? Isn’t the market big enough for more players? Do we all have to chase the same carrot? What if some of us want apples instead? Regardless of the answers to those questions, the fact remains: Everyone’s trying to get some attention (Love) out there, and it can be brutal warfare.

In the same regard, we’ve all heard the term “two heads are better than one”. That goes along with common knowledge that we can accomplish more if we work together. It all seems nice and practical, but not the common reality. The fact is that only a few can make it through the tiny door of opportunity and it takes extreme diligence and agility to gain a position where you’re as close to the entrance as possible. We haven’t even talked about getting inside the door, or what happens when you’re in – that’s another blog.

I think this happens in almost every environment we encounter: From our elementary school classrooms to our professional careers. We compete in our own families. We compete for the best seats at a show, the lines at the grocery store. We drive erratically in order to get there faster, sooner and before YOU! I suppose that’s just nature. Yup, only the strong survive and if it were any other way we’d taint the gene pool, throw the universe off balance and create sub-par standards for quality, quantity and progress. Hell friggin’ NO!! THIS IS SPARTA!!!

All jokes aside, civilized societies have created rules and laws to try and balance things out in an attempt to “control the chaos” (a great band by the way). Within these rules we’ve learned to work together. We’ve learned to set our differences aside and create things for the common good. Or so it seems…

You see, there’s always somebody winning out there: Someone or a group of like-minded somebodies in control. For us common folks, we refer to them as “THEY”. Those that make the rules, the ones that judge and deal out the consequences. THEY are so powerful that the lower folk do as THEY say without so much as a peep. THEY have the ultimate control, the power and influence. We’re just on the receiving end- Literally! And what happens when we try to band together and revolt? Unfortunately as soon as things calm down then we’re back to square one. We begin to fight amongst ourselves. We get all “Cain and Abel” with each other. Hmmm… Maybe THEY know what they’re talking about.

Maybe competition is bred out of the fear of blame. Our own internal guilt and fear of being inadequate or downright wrong! We want choices, but if we should make the wrong ones then we don’t like the consequences. However, if we could make those same choices and shift the blame elsewhere if things should go awry then maybe that would be okay. Right??

But what if you’re meek? Humble? Willing to get along and have the discipline to self-manage the natural inclination to be competitive? Are you therefore, weak? Are you destined to lose, or come last – you know what they say about the “nice” guy, remember? Society’s ideals are that we admire the weak but reward the strong which is in direct opposition to a theological perspective.

Yes, everyone wants to get on top but so few know what to do about it when they get there, or even why they desire it so badly. You “wanna be a billionaire so freakin’ bad” but for what? What would you do with all that power that comes from having all those resources?

So, what’s the answer? Here’s what I think:

Balance and dedication. Yes, it’s that simple and yet so hard to obtain; Even more difficult to maintain. The key is to be competitive enough in this world to get attention. If you have my attention, you must know what to say and do in order to keep it. This is not the time to choke on the mic (this is where you hear Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” in the background). This is your time to shine, so your credo must align with me as the individual, but inspire the entire community. Now sold – I’m more than happy to let you do the work. Congratulations, you are now my leader! My lazy ass couldn’t do anything about it, but I’m totally down to follow you!!

Careful now, this is VERY different than being my entertainer. Both get the stage but the entertainer is done at the end of the show. The leader is always performing, always criticized, forever challenged and constantly measured. There are some similarities but here’s the point: Entertainers live to show. Leaders show to live. We get this twisted all the time. Entertainers are often thrust into leadership situations, only to fail miserably. Don’t believe me? Glance at the latest tabloids. Enough said. True entertainment leaders are extremely rare because our most creative folks aren’t always our best leaders. The personalities tend to clash. Perhaps it’s a structure versus non-structure thing.

Back to the point: Once a leader, you must then defend that position, for being on top comes with massive responsibility that requires a huge amount of discipline and humility (go Spiderman!). Your daily focus changes from a struggle to get there, to the battle to stay there. One must stay grounded in the ideals from which they came (Keepin’ it real) while at the same time looking for and sharing ways to improve the situation for more, in order to share the experience. For life is best lived when shared (Alexander Supertramp learned this, albeit too late). Remember, it is only from a position of influence that any real change can happen…

And that’s definitely worth fighting for.