The Power of Asking "Why?"

Asking "Why?" will tell you everything you need to make the next decision.

This can literally apply to just about any situation you'll ever have to deal with and I've found this to be true in both business and personal dealings.

I suppose that is why toddlers ask "Why?" so much. They're probably just trying to figure out why you're doing something and whether or not they should do it too!

The way people answer "Why?" helps you understand where the other person stands. From their answer, you can then decide whether to stand with them, stand on them or simply get out of their way.

Looking back on several of my life's most important interactions at work and at home, I've learned that most conflicts happen when I tried to go beyond simply asking the question. Now I just try to ask "Why?" with the intention of simply being content with the response, resisting the temptation to exert my own opinion. I've also learned that that is way easier to do in business than at home! Probably because the family situations matter so much more to me. I know now, that even if the response is inconclusive, opposite of my personal feelings, aloof or even confrontational - I try going into the question simply seeking more information, context or perspective. Nothing else.

What's the first question people ask when they don't understand something that's causing them frustration or emotional distress? They ask "Why???" because the situation has pushed them outside of their comfort zone and they need to find that balance or validation.

You may be surprised to find that there is a powerful peace that comes from understanding how people respond to "Why?" - even when the person asking and responding is yourself.

Some fatherly wisdom...

Some things that I've learned and some things I've tried to teach...
Dear Son,
Now that you are 22 years old I am left to watch you go from being a boy to a man without the ability to navigate this trip on your behalf. Being confined to observation is entertaining, intriguing, sometimes very painful, and completely normal.
When you don’t understand the way that I am or misinterpret why Angie and I care so much, just know that this is all about you and ultimately, the man you will become very soon. Our hope is that you’ll become a great one. Just know that it takes a while.
Here are some things to think about along the way. Just in case we get disconnected or if I’m not around. Keep this with you always son, and maybe share it with your own someday. It is because we love you so very much… -Dad
1. When you do a better job of balancing Those looking will do a better job of relaxing instead of inspecting
2. Neither good nor bad – just know that Inspection always leads to judgment
3. Judgment based on emotion is rarely heard Judgment based on fact is often ignored Try to analyze facts before reacting.
4. We must justify our reactions and answer for our choices. Choice based on emotion or feeling is often foolish Reaction based on fact is strong and smart
5. Know that foolish doesn’t mean wrong. It means ridiculous.
6. When you ignore or let people feel ignored for too long It will mean that you just don’t care This will become their belief in who you are
7. If you view yourself any less than top-notch Everything you achieve or do in your life will end up matching that
8. Regardless of age or independence, you need us and we need you. Not because of money, desperation, control or help - but simply because we love each other as a family Each of us is more than capable alone, but definitely much better and happier, together
9. We must learn from our mistakes Otherwise, we are destined to repeat them This puts us at risk for not growing, not getting better, or at the most severe level: death
10. Putting yourself first requires a real action plan for self-improvement Otherwise you’re just a self-centered asshole who never really means what you say
11. Most humans grow under pressure or discomfort If you’re comfortable for too long, you’re not growing You might actually be getting slower, smaller, dumber
12. Finding yourself is best as a solo adventure Otherwise you might risk losing the other passengers And the added stress could derail the whole journey
13. Nobody automatically knows how you feel It’s on you to tell them or better, show them through your actions and behaviors Otherwise people start to judge…and I already told you about judging
14. You can’t un-ring a bell Once done, it is final. It is seen and it is interpreted. It may even be the last thing heard. Therefore, Ringing bells is serious business. In other words, what you continually do will become a permanent record of who you are.
15. Whomever you choose as your life partner will be one of the top 3 most important choices in your life EVER. The other two are specific to your relationship with God and your relationship with those you deem close (family, friends) This partner will end up being your greatest helper or an evil nemesis These three, critical things will impact and shape every aspect of your being. Carefully take the time on these decisions as if your life depended on it, because literally – it does.
16. If someone cared enough to write all of this and share this with you, That person thinks you’re very special and worth their time In your darkest hours yet to come, remember how special you are…